DopPEy’s Paradize

Sometimes i really think that being happy really really reflects/relies on oneself.You can chose to be happy.My thinking might be wrong.My mum have always been an unhappy person.Why?She kept thinking she’s a sad person.Bad siblings,Hardships since young,perhaps wrong husband,she dislike friendships,she dislike activities,her tempermental mood swings causes her health to swing like Gmax 5 at clarke quay.I am v vexed sometimes not because of work nor pple surrounding me.It’s my mum.She is v sensitive and have a sense of ‘no joke’.Her nerves are boring.1 thing i can be sure about her is she loves her family,me and my father a different way.How different you may ask?Well as far as I am concern,a way I didnt like it.So does my dad(how sad)…!Sensitively I love my dad alittle more than my mum (sometimes).The reason why?His hardly at home(haha!) and ignore my time taken to craft my jewelry and time i’m at my pc desk.. my mum do alot of things that pisses me off…But i still need to love her like my mum(thats of coz!).I don’t know why,is it my mum that causes a defect about security of myself since young and my emotions?I just hate to be at home sometimes.No home cooked food.Nobody listens to me.Nobody understands what i’m trying to say.Well i am suppose to listen to my parents now not them listening to me…coz they are old now.To be frank,they have never understood me.So…i gave up telling them who’s their daughter.They are parents and they felt they ’shouldnt tell children so much about themselves’ to kids. I hate being alone all the time.I last laughed my lungs out was very long ago.I can’t remember how my own laughter sound now.It’s looking for a job,found a job…facing pple diff from my channel now…doing things i actually do it for living and for a future i joined the real working force.I feel so good doing tour guiding(with right passengers),I feel like Shirley,I breathe like Shirley and I smile like Shirley…I hate being another person i am not.I dunno where i can find myself.Really Really not happy.A friend ask me what kind of man i am looking for as a partner?I told her,I’m not looking for anyone,but i am hoping for an angel soulmate.If possible i wishes for someone who can make me smile everyday and let me have a good laugh at least once a week,tell me everything is going to be okay tomorrow regardless whatever thing happens,That person will be the one.Friends i do have a few good ones.Sometimes when you are really really down…you scroll down your hp list…They are not the one you can cry on their shoulders i dunno why…or maybe it’s my problem…thats all.That reason i wrote that nick in my msn because i think it really depends a lot on myself to bring back my own laughters.I have to bear with life and experience everything for now.Other than that,that will be another chapter next time.

Per as usual nobody will read my blog,so i shall start the ball rolling,i really really feel like crying out loud and clear sometimes.There is a huge thing in my heart for that makes me this upsad since dunno when.I want a hug and a pat from some1 special to tell me everything is going to be ok tmr.No matter how long i waited nobody came..The special some1 need not be an opposite sex or a meant to be partner.I need just some1.Nobody..Yes nobody have ever understood me the simple way i AM looking for.No not even my parents.Just small details im asking for to pay a little attention to me.I hate walking around boutiques and being penalised the pronoucation of a designer brand is wrong.I hate walking around aimlessly with no clothings of my size.I hate being penalised my hair is messy even when pple noe i’ve trim it(i’m trying to keep long hair) and i hate eating alone!I want to be home and have homely cooked food!!I hate to scroll down the hp contact list and realise nobody in the list is gg to understand what i’m trying to say if i call.I hate wearing polo Ts for work all the time.I hate to pretend i care for something when i’m not actually. I’m hoping to share my small little happiness im building now with someone special.Nobody came so far.As far as i’m concern,nobody will come.Per as usual…I hate looking at hp contact list……

WooOOOOoo..so long nvr update!Hows every1?think there wunt be pple reading…this post for you friendster n any kind passerby souls…What’s life about?Looking for a dream or fulfiling a dream or just merely dreaming?Certificates and papers….are you so sure they will land you in a comfortable job with comfortable pay?Dreams or dreaming?I came cross this quote that day:Without a plan,a goal will always be a dream.i have no idea whats the best for me.i only noe that i really really just want to be happy n be stress free.i think thats totally impossible here in singapore…So many things that came cross in my life…i just want to be a happy girl to believe i have v good friends…happy family…n everything is ok.Sometimes, things dont happen the way which i really want it to be…losing weight sound so easy…doing it is sooo difficult…maintaining friendship sound soo easy managing it is so difficult.be happy sound sooo easy…It’s actually the hardest thing to be found on earth!!how i wish there is a 2nd take in life…i wanna erase the sins ive done n say sorry to pple i’ve hurt.i want cherish the pple that i’ve lost…I wanna turn back time n correct the mistakes i’ve done,I wanna do many more things n make time worth it…sometimes thinking back it’s alittle not too late now.but still memories cant be removed n time can’t be turned.Hopefully i can stop pondering tmr n make my time more worth it than today.

I always wanted to work in the airport so that can see the airplanes everyday..n see pilots..n marrying em sumday(LMAO)…n dream that Im a cabin crew.That dream seem so faraway at times when i was younger.I’ve fulfiled it 2 months back and now im sitting at desk typing my feelings…However,today is also my last day at work.I have this problem with myself.I don’t really know what i really wanted…as in..in life..to earn lotsa $ or live happily everyday.There are pros and cons in every single thing u do.In order to earn lotsa $ you cant live happily,because you are too busy working and blinded by the S and 11 sign.If you work what u like and enjoying it..the pay mite not be as attractive.Let me explain..no offense to anyone whom having the stated jobs here.Just to name a few 1) Hotel line(it takes u unknown no. of years to climb the ladder) 2)Customer service(Every friendly soul can do it) 3)Design(U have to be well known to earn big bucks) 4)Nurses (You need to be super tolerate and caring) 5)Admin(You are contented being being desk bound.)..I belong to no. 2..I hate the fact that i wanted to be in the tourism line.The pay is okay but a little no life and if im a freelancer i will not have a permanent pay!Tour guiding is fun and interesting but the problem is i gotta constantly read up and dig out new stuff..If i have a choice…i think it’s everybody dreams…i want 2 be able to work happily and earn big bucks..which is impossible nowadays.I love looking at foreigners with their bags in hand..in the transit in the arrival hall.it’s just so much fun looking at them.Walking in the duty free shops and strolling along the whole transit hall just make my day.In order to fulfil more dreams i have to get out n start earning more $ to accomplish the rest of my dreams.After that,I will come back to the airport.

Do you still remember when was the last time you faced a hypocritical situation?I remembered….the whole month of Sept and Oct of year 2007.The worst birthday in my entire life and in the job I am in.You thot they are your besties in the end they are the ones that betrayed you and stab you badly hurt and sore at the back of you heart.NO one supported me and my parents didnt rem my birthday.The whole entire world treated me like transparent woman in the department.It’s waste of $ buying things,spending time and  appreciation to the pple i adore like friends and in the end i got a v hurtful answer.Well…thank god above…letting me feel the experience and let me grow the hard way..who will rem my birthday next time?who will adore me sincerely like a bestie?who will treat me like sum1 who one care about them?i dun’t think so it will happen…

I seriously think that the peanuts have burned my brains…I began blogging these few days.Can anyone explain to me why French Kiss is called a french kiss?The way we twist and turn in our partner’s tongue or the kiss was invented in France?A colleague told me this in the afternoon,every country have their own kiss.He told me the australians have a kiss too,n thats called australian kiss.The kiss is the kiss of *below…yummy?*cough…I kept wondering what kind of nonsense humans invented all these while.Kissing is a art.Showing of affection to your loved one.To your parents,your lover,your friends,the kids you adore,your teachers,the doctors and nurses that saved your life while you are on the hospital bed…any single soul you wish to show your affection,thank you and appreciation of love.For me,LOVE is a very strong word.It needs to come from a very strong and huge push of a human.Big responsibility is involved,big committments are required and you can’t give up as and when you like…the ball goes rolling.My english is bad…Forgive my spelling and grammer errors.Hmmm…I usually use the word LIKE.It’s less stressful and lesser responsibility is involved in the picture.Now you see what am i trying to explain to you?I count on feelings to give a KISS…i FEEL the responsibility to LOVE someone…I LIKE the feeling of being Love…It’s a girl normal reaction…in fact,it’s every girl’s reaction.Sweet and smiles in her dreams.I’ve yet to find someone who can share LOVE with me.It’s hard to FEEL it and nowadays a KISS doesn’t count as a LOVE anymore.No more peanuts for the rest of my life…I’m dreaming LOVE in my LALA land…It’s time to sleep.

I ate too many peanuts at my uncle’s wake.I took 1 day urgent leave and 2 days mc to get recovered from Block Nose N sore Throat Coz by PEANUTS(No snoopy involved).I’m rotting at home, surfing the net,doing my jewellery and sleep.I woke up like 11.30 in the super late morning just now and felt so afresh.My life have to move on.I seriously think that i need to brush up my english n mandarian.*Fight the society*.0.5/4 of sg population are populated by China,India and others nationals.Our rice bowl will be at risk.Top money generators in our society are(Positions are not in orders) 1 Banking and Finance.2 Manufacturing.3 Tourism.4  Ports.5 Oil Refinery.In another 3 years down the road I need to accomplish things i’ve always wanted to do and NOT give up this time round when i’m turning 24!My god…you saw the 2 at the front and 4 at the back?In another 6 years time i’ll be 30!You saw the 3 and the 0 at the back?shit…where is my Prince Charming…i’ve asked heaven to grant me a angel.It’s not here yet…Nevermind bt the prince…i know fairy tales doesn’t exist.Now i care for my future.It’s ok there is no prince charming,guys are just liars..beautiful hope givers and heart breakers!If i happen to be granted one…my heart for him will never change.I’m serious.I’m neither a babe that walks around the beach with pretty bikinis nor someone that mite have 3-4-500 peeps in their friendster account.I’m just looking for someone who can share my happiness.fun and nonsense everyday.My sadness,setbacks and nonsense everytime.Looks?It doesn’t really matter, so long he is comfortable looking….i’ve got no problems with that.Looks change after 30.The heart stands firmly till u die. I’m working towards my goal.Wait for me…my weight(I’m not that heavy after all…give me time)my work and my future.If there is a princing charming for me 2 adore n love for my life.Tell him…i’m a serious girl.

I realised that this is the only way i jot down my thoughts and things of my life.This is the only thing that belongs to one and only me,that will never departs.My dad is the 3rd kid from the House and their family carrys a genetic hereditary illness of thyroid(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyroid).To my understanding,it’s a illness related to changes of our hormones.My Dad’s family members who got the illness 2 of them are under control now and one have passed away since 6 days ago, and Day b4 yest. was the send off to mandai cremation.His illness of thyroid had slowly changed to leukaemia(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leukimia).He was very sick for 2 years and he complained his left eye was kinda off blind, after which the scanning process spotted whites spots in his brain.He went into coma and died on the 18th.I seriously felt that i’m a idiot that i didnt make it on time to see him for one last time.He was so chubby and funny man.Before he left he was quiet and skinny.White blood cells feed on his red blood cells and he waited for his time.I cried like shit and i recalled so many memories i had with him.He pat me to sleep when i was at his house when i was young.I had so much fun at my cousin’s place.Be Strong,Yong jiat,jian shun and jian bin.Your mum needs 3 of you.I still can’t get over it.I can’t really sleep for e passed 3 nights.The last knee down before his coffin really really make me feel so upsad.I regretted for not going down to the hospital for seeing him one last round.I thought it’s just another time of body check up.Then the very next day when i was at work my dad told me his gone.and he is only 56…I am such an idiot!I’m sorry to him,and he will live in my heart.I deserves more than a slap.

It have been quite some time since i last post an entry.I always wanted to type something whenever i’m in friendster.Something just stop me from clicking the blogging icon.Time Flies and i will be turning 24 this year.I was recalling, just 9 years ago,i had a birthday lunch with my best friends.9 years later im turning 24 and all of us had grown up.Attached..Married..Gave birth..life changes.Now i tend to treasure my friends more.I appear cheerful n happy to please people..i’m just v tired to please pple…i can’t find myself..where am i..i want peace so much but im not allowed to have peace..Help!I’m just a simple girl.I just want 2 do things i wanted to do…Leave my things alone,leave me alone.I’m prepared to grow old alone.I believe i have to go thru things alone.

The Jewel Box is such a Beautiful place with Orange Falls of autum leaves…Giant forest of greenies around and you see spreaded wings high flying birds soaring the sky…WaAaAhHhHh!!!!(@_*)Tell me about it!Im typing all those things up there with most my eyes blinded!!Duty up in a place called Jewel Box!It’s pretty nice going up there if I’m not working!!But i’m working!So bored no people…Why?they are preparing things to welcome the precious IMF delegates…I’m WHAT?Bored and Shitty up there no place for me to rest my legs and no proper fan or water mist to summer a poor girl like me!Help!Lucky tomorrow i don’t have to go up do tour or esle i will kill myself tell you coz tomorrow is the actual day for those IMF delegates…Haha lucky today got Auntie Ju n Sista Esther from the retail shop,a *Handsome* to chat with me hahaha…watch stupid Angklang rehearsal from the St Anthony School and Yoga demo from ‘YOGA MASTERS’ from True Yoga…God…what a life…I should be resting my legs when my stupid injured ankle is still not fully recovered yet!Or siting down watching my fav. MTV videos…Anyway when i got home my mom gaves me attitude problem again…Im like!WHAT!i purposely bought her some Muffins and she’s like i want something Salty instead sweet…Help!Im trying my best…What to do she’s my mama afterall…My dad is going to KL with his friends tomorrow and i hope he can like remember help me buy Justin Timberlake’s concert dvd hahahaha…He pay ma…Anyway again tomorrow is Wade Robsons OverDrive Quater Finals at esplande and guess what?Im doing last tour for tomorrow…10.30 clock in until 7.30…Im gg to miss my show…Sianz…So looking Forward for my HK trip yes im saying this like again and again yes it’s true i want 2 run away from thise reality!!Especially my mom nonsense n from my work im dried up!!!God send me an angel please